Today is my wedding anniversary. Like a storm that follows a bright blue day, the storm can cover the light and send you scrambling for shelter. This morning I woke up in a pit.
Yesterday I posted about grief stemming from death of loved ones. Today, I’m experiencing grief from unmet expectations and trying circumstances. In light of the catastrophic loss in our community I wrote about yesterday, I don’t expect anyone to throw a pity party for me. However I acknowledge grief is grief and whatever the source, it stinks.
Beth Moore wrote a great book called Get Out of That Pit. When you find yourself thoroughly discouraged and disenchanted, you might be in a pit. The reason I had the time to write the post yesterday, was because I was sick. I still am.
Over a month ago, I had sinus surgery (ew and ouch) and last Monday, I found out I have a stress fracture in my foot. Last weekend was an amazing Easter weekend. The What’s So Good About Good Friday Art Show that the Art Circle and Second Pres promoted was an incredible blessing. It was a busy week getting everything set and doing it with a foot in a boot added a challenge.
We celebrated Easter out of town with family. His family. I only point that out, because it was his family that introduced the Easter Bug. Not only did we get full bellies, we brought home a virus. Surprize and boo!
The problem is that my husband and I had big plans for a little getaway for our anniversary, today! Because I am sick, that didn’t happen. Add a little extra family drama last night to already being overtired and sick on top of it, I woke up feeling physically wrecked and emotionally hung over.
While in my rational mind, I understand sickness happens and it isn’t the end of anything. The idealist in me grieves the loss of time alone with my love and time away from the busy pace of our lives. It reminds me of our first year anniversary, I was sick. Really sick. We went anyway.
Mother Nature decided to dump a load of snow to make things more interesting. My husband carried me in to the beautiful resort. He saw to tender details down to a fireplace and a jacuzzi tub with a basket of Evelyn & Crabtree Lavender Collection. I took medicine to break the fever and we’d go out in-between fevers. I was still a newlywed and I was brokenhearted.
We made the best of it, but when I coughed so hard I threw pineapple up in the car, he said, “That’s it. We are going home.” I was ready. It took ten years to say yes to go back to that destination and redeem it.
Today I grieved the temporary loss of being a “happy” family and thanked God that I still had a family. After realizing that my physical illness had gone to my brain, I did what I tell others to do–call for help!
The friend I called encouraged me to rest. I talked with another friend who has walked in my shoes. She’s further down the trail than I am. She held my hand and normalized some of my crazy. Another friend called me and because she’s not afraid of germs–and needed to pick up symphony tickets that I’ll likely not use–stopped by. My husband brought Chinese home for dinner and we had a moviefest.
I should be sleeping and it is highly possible that I will be in trouble with my friend who counselled me to rest, but I love and long to write. My desire is to be real and in the moments of trial, be like the light that causes the dark cloud to show a silver lining. Days are not always easy, especially when there is a perfect storm of circumstances in the physical, emotional and even spiritual. Days I really struggle, I remind myself that God is bigger.
Today began in a pit, but exactly what I wrote about yesterday–loving community–rescued my day and resurrected my mood.
Before my resurrection, I saw a rainbow dancing on the bathroom wall. I smiled and thought of my friend who chases rainbows. I snapped a picture to share. I even thought, “It is a promise of hope for a better day.”
Little by little, the day turned around. Tonight, I’m content and joyfully creating a special memory of our 16th anniversary. Happy anniversary after all.